Things won’t change if you don’t change

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So it’s the well-known adage, if you want to win the lottery, you’ve got to at least buy the ticket. If I want my life to change, so it figures that as a minimum, I have to change. How can I expect anything to be different, or go differently, if I just keep doing the same old things I’ve being doing all my life?

Change, for me at least, has always been incredibly difficult. Firstly, because there is a very big part of me that doesn’t believe people can actually change. You may argue differently and I will grudgingly accept that sure, there are people who may have managed to reinvent themselves completely, but me? Been the same undisciplined, unorganised, scatter brained, low self-esteem, insecure person I’ve always been, and no matter how many self-help books I read or self-help seminars I go to, I always seem to revert to type as soon as I’ve closed the book or exited the seminar room.

Secondly, I adore my comfort zone, its warm and snug with luxurious pillows and deep seated couches and all I want to do is snooze there all day and maybe read a book or two. After all there’s no better place to read about other people’s adventures then from your own safe haven of sameness.

Third, I’m petrified of it!! Somewhere in my childhood ventures, the program was put in my head that change is not a good thing. Possibly because most of the changes in my life led to things that were (at least for me) not so positive. We moved countries= my parents got divorced, I changed jobs= ended up working more hours and getting paid less than before. At the end of the day I have an amazing capacity to imagine all the bad things that can come about from change, even positive change. For example, let’s say I become more assertive and self-respecting. How does my mind see this as negative? Well if I become more assertive, I will end up fighting more with people around me (especially my colleagues) because I will no longer take their shit. Just like my mum, who is the queen of assertiveness, I will be left alone with no friends or husband to speak of, because I will have fought with all of them!

I didn’t even have to spend time thinking of that one!!

Ok so we have established that I have issues with change, but I go back to my initial premise. Do I want to be a millionaire? Yes I do. Do I want my life to be better than what it is now? Yes I do. Then my mind is made up. I need to change and my beliefs and programs need to get in line with the new regime.

So, now that that decision has been made, next step to figure out is, what do I have to change?